“Humbled” is the word on the heart-shaped rock Ben keeps in his truck at all times. “I chose humbled—not humble—because there was a period where I was just very proud and thought I could do anything. I thought I was above and beyond anybody’s help because I thought I had it all figured out,” he says. “Over the course of the last 10 years, life has really shown me that’s not true.”
Originally from Pennsylvania, Ben moved to Colorado in the early 2000s. Before marijuana was legal here, Ben was arrested for cultivating it and spent 13 months in a Boulder County jail. It was there that he saw Sister Carmen Community Center (SCCC) Parenting Class Coordinator Ginny for the first time. She worked in the adjacent women’s jail then, and Ben would sometimes see her outside or in the hallways. In 2017, they finally met at a Bible study at their church in Lafayette.
Ben has struggled with addiction over the years. He first got sober back in 2006, married in 2012, and became a father in 2013. But then he relapsed in 2015. He’s been clean for almost two years now. “I’m always looking for ways to become the best possible version of myself,” Ben shares. “Ginny mentioned that she teaches a parenting class she thought would be beneficial for me, especially as a father starting over. And, man, it really was.”
This past spring, Ben attended Sister Carmen’s Nurturing Parenting Program (NPP) one evening a week for 12 weeks. Free child care was available for the kids of parents taking the class, so his 10-year-old daughter tagged along to play with them.
Typically, the class is all women, but Ben was one of three men in this session. “I think we were all put there at the right time,” says Ben. “And it was really interesting to hear other fathers’ perspectives, as well as the mothers.’ Connecting with other parents and feeding off of everybody’s ideas was huge. No topic was off-limits. And we built trust as we bonded over the dinners we shared during class each week.”
For Ben, one of the biggest takeaways from the class included learning that younger kids don’t understand sarcasm. When asked if she knew when he was joking, his daughter replied, “Not always, Daddy.”
“I realized I wanted my daughter to think I was cool, and that was my focus for a long time. Now I’ve learned that’s not important. I’m her dad, not her friend. It’s not my place to be sarcastic and joke with her. It’s my place to be her father and raise her. And that has really changed, for the better, my parenting style,” he says. “Another thing we talked about in class is that we all take ideas of how to parent from our parents, but we also take ideas of how not to parent from them. What do we not want to carry on? Parenthood is a journey. Nobody’s going to be a perfect parent, but we can learn as we go along.”
Ben’s recovery has surpassed his wildest hopes. “Things have materialized that I didn’t even think were options for me, like having my family back. My wife and I were going through a divorce. Now we’re not just back together, we’re still married—so somehow we held onto that. And today, I’m the one my daughter’s school calls when she’s not feeling well and needs to come home. Four years ago, they didn’t even have my number because I wasn’t around.”
His career has also rebounded. He was recently promoted to Project Manager at his job with Interstate Roofing, where much of the staff is in recovery. “I’m working with other people who are overcoming the same demons,” Ben says. “I literally live and work recovery.” He also credits his spiritual practices and faith community as central guiding forces in his recovery.
Being humbled helped Ben grow. “Before, I really thought that I could be a using addict and a dad at the same time. Now I know that’s just not possible,” he says. “And the gratitude I have for having my family back and being a dad supersedes being so concerned about the way I feel every moment of the day that it’s almost like a new high. Now I know I don’t have to stay the person I was. I can become something new and better.”